My whole coming out was about an hours worth of a lot of crying and a lot of fear, but ultimately it wasn’t that big a deal.

My whole coming out was about an hours worth of a lot of crying and a lot of fear, but ultimately it wasn’t that big a deal.

This lovely man is a choreographer from Texas who was working on a gig in Virginia. He shares intricate details of the exact moment his mother found physical evidence that he was gay. Little did he know that she knew all along. This story was captured in Charlottesville, Virginia. Read and listen to learn more! 

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I was still closeted when I was a Freshman in college.

I came from a Catholic family, so I was still praying and going to confession hoping to change.

I joined Gay.com like every gay boy in the late 90s. 

I started a pen pal relationship with an older man who lived in Michigan. We actually wrote letters, like physical letters, to each other – very Emily Dickinson. They weren’t really sexual, but they were like “Oh I hope one day that we can meet, and make love, and build a house.” When I went home for Christmas my Freshman year, I brought all of those letters with me.  I had them all pretty well hid away, but of course, you can’t hide anything from a snooping mother.

I was on my way to Barnes and Noble to look at nasty books when my mother called me...well not nasty books, but workout books.

She called me on my brand new cell phone, my first cell phone, and was like, “Where are you?” and I said “Oh, I’m just running some errands; I’m going to the grocery store.” I was totally lying to her about that. And she said, “So, who’s Bruce?” and I literally pulled into a CVS, and I said “Wh-what are you talking about?” and she goes, “I was in cleaning your room,” and I go “You weren’t cleaning! You were snooping! You were snooping, mother!” and she’s like “No, no I was just cleaning, but I think you need to tell me. You’ve gotta be honest with me. Are you, are you, are you“ and I was like “YES! Yes! I’M GAY! I’M GAY! And I’m going to kill myself now because you know, and you’re going to tell everybody.” And she’s like, “No-no- no-no- no, I wont say anything, I just had to find out what’s going on.” And I said, “I’m going to take this car, and I’m going to drive it off the nearest cliff.” And I live in Texas, there aren’t any cliffs, but of course she was like, “No, no, no please come home right now, come home right now, it’s ok.” She was crying, and I was crying. And this was over the phone that she accused me, which, actually, I think it was better because had it been in person, I don’t know what I would have done. And by the time I got home, I’d calmed down, she’d calmed, and I didn’t have any tears left in me, and so we sat down and she said, “Listen, it’s fine. I was just surprised.” And I said, “Really, you were really surprised?” and she said, “Well, not surprised that you were gay – surprised that you had a ‘special friend.’” And I was like, “I haven’t met this guy, or anything. We just write letters to each other.” and she asked me the regular questions you always get: “Are you gonna have a sex change? Do you have AIDS?” all of these things, but it was all from a place of support and being supportive. And literally later that night it was as if nothing had happened.

My whole coming out was about an hours worth of a lot of crying and a lot of fear, but ultimately it wasn’t that big a deal.

It hit my mother in the face when she was cleaning – but she totally wasn’t – I think she was almost looking for an excuse. Looking for something maybe to make it easier? Because I asked her years later, “Did you know?” and she goes, “Oh, your grandmother and I talked about it because mothers always know.” Mothers and grandmothers know really, really early. That’s why we were so close, I think. It was scary, but actually all the people who I was most scared about - my mom, my best friend – they were the one’s who were like “ugh, I should have been the first one. I’ve known and I’ve never cared. I just was waiting for you to let me know that it was okay with you.”

I’ve started to use the women’s bathroom in public.

I’ve started to use the women’s bathroom in public.

I didn’t find my story particularly interesting until having spoken it aloud.

I didn’t find my story particularly interesting until having spoken it aloud.